Pay It Forward

“If you want more kindness in the world, put it there.”

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The other day I got home after getting groceries and I was struggling to fit everything in the fridge. The boys heard me struggling and one of them said “Well, this is a good problem to have.” Those simple words made me stop and think about just how right they are.

My husband and I have been very fortunate to have jobs that have continued uninterrupted during COVID. That means we haven’t had to worry about paying our bills and putting food on the table for our family. But we know that not everyone is so lucky.

Last week one of the boys’ friend’s came over. I was out for a bit and when I got back, they had gone through an entire box of creamsicles, a bunch of Pizza Pockets and some other snacks. At first the boys were annoyed that their buddy had eaten so many of their snacks but then I reminded them how when they were at his house, they observed that there was not a lot of food in the fridge or cupboards. So instead of being annoyed, I suggested they feel grateful that that isn’t our reality and we are in a position to share what we have with others. 

This is a lesson we’ve tried to instill in our boys from a very young age. When they were in Grade 1, every Thursday was Pizza Day at school. One Thursday they came home and I was asking them if all their friends order pizza too. They replied that everyone got pizza except for one little girl. I asked if it was because she didn’t like pizza and they said it’s because her mom didn’t have enough money for it. This broke my heart, for many reasons. 1 – the cost of pizza was $1 a slice and the thought of being that strapped for money must’ve been incredibly stressful for that family. 2 – the fact that at age 6, that little girl was so aware of her family’s finances to know they couldn’t afford it is a lot for a kid to handle. 3 – she was the only one in a class of 20 students who wasn’t included in the pizza each week and that must’ve made her feel really left out.

So I did something that I’ve never told anyone about. The next time the pizza order form came home, I wrote a note to the teacher and sent in 3 order forms, 1 for each of my boys and 1 for this sweet girl in their class. In my note I asked the teacher if it was acceptable to pay for her pizza. I also asked the teacher to avoid telling the girl’s mom because I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed. I asked that it stay just between us. And she agreed. So for all of Grade 1, we paid for her pizza so she could be just like all the other kids for a brief moment.

I wasn’t sure if my boys really understood the concept of paying it forward but then I started noticing that when we would go to a store, they’d drop some of their change into the donation box next to the cash register. We don’t necessarily give the boys a set allowance but we will give them a few bucks when they are heading out with friends in case they want to grab something to eat or drink. Sometimes they save a little bit of that money and sometimes they go through it more quickly. There have been times where they’ve come home and told us they used their money to buy lunch for a friend because they didn’t have one or they paid for a buddy’s bus fare and that’s when we know they really do get it.

One day when we saw a homeless man at a busy intersection, I asked the boys if they thought there was anything we could do. They suggested we go to Tim Horton’s and buy him some lunch and a coffee. So that’s what we did. And the smiles on my boys’ faces were just as big as that man’s at the intersection.

While we did a good thing for that man that day, he wasn’t the only one who benefitted. I felt like we had brightened someone’s day while also teaching our boys a valuable lesson about helping others who need a little kindness and compassion and that giving to others can feel just as good, if not better, than receiving something from others.

Sometimes paying it forward looks like sharing your snacks with a friend. Sometimes it’s buying lunch for someone so they don’t go hungry. Sometimes it’s dropping some spare change into a donation bin. But it always starts from a place of gratitude and appreciation for our ability to help others. And that is something I hope our boys will remember as they continue to look for ways to pay it forward.